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Shaped by a River: Connecting to the Feminine

Pete Blau

Shaped by a River: Connecting to the Feminine

We all come into this life crying kicking and screaming as we are cut off from the caring of the eternal world and our mothers womb. We slide out (or get pulled out) into the bright lights of some kind of a foreign (not natural, alien) room. The brightness of the light blinds us to our original internal light (that shined in the womb illuminating our path in the world) that helped us to imagine who we were going to be in this life and what we were going to do here on earth. As we are disconnected from the nurturing feminine with the cutting of the umbilical cord we are put into the hands and arms of our parents (If we were so fortunate). By fate (and I would argue by our Soul’s own choice) we begin this life with guidance and parenting of humans that are willing (or unwilling) to raise us.

 Our parents influence us and introduce us to many things, people, and places. All of these experiences have a huge influence on us as well as how it shapes our way of being. People speak of nature vs. nurture how one or the other, or both shape us into who we become. A notion that we come in as a blank slate into this life is a common misconception; that we are who we are only due to nature and nurture. We actually come into this life with so much more, a history of experiences, an idea of what we are going to bring forth in this lifetime, and the lessons we hope to learn too. Through your birth chart and looking through a Shamanic Astrology lens one can find out who they are at a mythic level, the archetypes that you embrace, and how the stars wanted you to be in this lifetime.

 As I corrected this sentence Bald Eagle appeared across the river high on a limb. A couple of days ago as I was doing my usual wander and I saw Bald Eagle flying above the river when I was thinking of offering a shorter Transformational Trek to Nepal. Bald Eagles are very magical and mystical. They represent the ‘Illumination of spirit, and aid in healing and creation.’ I refer to the book, Animal Speaks for interpretation of animals. Most importantly though it is why or how the animal is showing up for one in the moment and symbolizing something. From a Shamanic reference the ‘Eagle Eye’ represents the overall vision from the broadest perspective or from up above. When designing my logo for Metolius Basin Institute I wanted the Eagle Eye perspective or from above looking down to represent the landscape.

 For me I believe that I chose my parents for a reason. I think one of the biggest reasons is because I was born into a family that has a cabin along a river. As I write this piece I stare at the river that has long been the biggest influence in my lifetime. It has saved my life in so many ways. It has given me a focal point, a place of retreat and a place to return to in order to soak up the nurturing of the feminine expressed through the landscape. The earth is our true mother that is why it is referred to “Mother Earth” or Gaia. Through her or through our physical landscape we are nurtured. We are currently in a patriarchal society where toxic masculinity runs rampant. Western society has dominated nature and objectified it (her) through engineering feats and classifying forests as a resource to be used rather than to be communed with.

 If we are fortunate enough we may reach a point in life where we contemplate and reflect about how we feel about our lives. Maybe we believe that “things” are just dandy and life is on cruise control in a way. We could also reach a point where we feel like something is missing inside and that all of the things we have accumulated, wealth, status and a way of being in life potentially no longer serve us. If we take the time to slow down and to listen to what wants to move through us we might have a chance of getting back to the original intent of our lives and continue our path in becoming our true self. On the other hand we could choose to continually distract ourselves and never live the life that we were meant to and end up disgruntled and unhappy. I’m not saying that we have to be right on point with who we intended to be without deviation. What I mean is hopefully we have or will give ourselves the chance to listen and make an effort in living a life that has been awaiting us. I think it is at least the effort and the willingness that counts. It’s all about the journey…

 Anyways back to the river. This river that I am in love with starts underneath a butte that is holy to me and at the headwaters it emerges into the middle world where we as humans go about our every day lives. I wonder what goes on down below the surface or in the underworld before it comes to be here flowing beside me. What kind of messages is the water carrying for others? The only messages I know are the ones that I have received through wondering while wandering the banks. I feel rich along the “Banks” on each side, not monetarily but soulfully due to the amount of abundance of connection that I feel to the water.

 We go through seasons in life and they are reflected around us in nature, even in the big cities where disconnection and fragmentation runs deep. Just because one is in the concrete jungle doesn’t mean that they are not in nature. Cities are nature, (manmade – once again the masculine dominating the feminine), and nature is everywhere. I have found meaning when walking and pondering through cities. Others too who I have coached over the phone or in person have found meaning that relates to their lives amongst the skyscrapers. To me obviously I feel more at peace and held in wild nature. Lately I’ve been trying to capture the changing of seasons through haphazard photographs along the river. It’s always neat to be a witness to the natural transformations throughout the year.

 This past summer I was around the river and was able to experience the summer season again that I so adored here as a child growing up and visiting. There is a certain smell and distinct odor that saturates the air during the summer. The Ponderosa Pines or ‘Yellow Bellies” give off a romantic scent that is hard to forget. It seems as though the warmth of the sun assists in enhancing this fragrance that can add or deepen the experience of being surrounded by these beautiful beings. In Shamanic astrology our sign sun is referred to “The fuel we burn in this lifetime.” It is if the scent of the Ponderosa is the exhaust that is fueled by the sun. They say that trees are the antennas that connect the earth to the heavens similar to the antlers on deer. (Ted Andrews- “Nature Speaks”) Maybe listening to the trees can help assist us in listening to the heavens.

 The phrase ‘tree hugger’ has been commonly used along with ‘hippies’ or ‘granolas.’ I like to take it to the next level and kiss some of my favorite trees. When doing so I can nuzzle my nose in between the jigsaw puzzle of bark and take in a healthy amount of ‘exhaust.’ When I was a child growing up I always looked forward to going to the river to play, ride my bike and walk around the woods. I guess things for me haven’t changed much in that sense but have only deepened my appreciation. I feel like my play is more intentional or I pay more attention to the surroundings. When out for a bike ride or cross-country ski I’ll stop amongst the pines while savoring the silence. Life can be loud at times, distracting and pretty unhealthy in regards to our addiction to technology (and I am totally guilty). When along the river or wandering through the trees it helps me get back in touch to what is truly important in my life, being in the wild. When taking in those moments of silence and pondering I feel nurtured by the feminine or Mother Earth. She provides nourishment through piles of pine needles to lye down in and other noticeable heart warming scents like the Manzanita bushes. Being in the river basin makes me feel like I am held by the feminine just due to the topography and sense of familiarity.

 High above the basin are a few jagged peaks. To me they represent the masculine almost like a distinct jawline or a barreled broad chest. They are barren, up high and expose one to the elements without much protection. There is a distinct difference in feeling when high up in the mountains vs. down low in a river valley. On some of my ski trips in the region I have always enjoyed the views from up above but have always been excited to safely descend back down low where the trees, shelter and the nurturing sense are awaiting.

 As I meander through life the river has provided me with answers that I seek represented through signs, symbols, and metaphors in nature. Just recently I found myself in a luminous state while wandering the riverbanks. I had just met someone special and we spent the previous month together. At this point I had a couple of weeks on my own wandering the river and wondering if I should really commit to this new partnership. Different parts of me wrestled about what to do, whether or not I should continue in pursuing this beautiful human, the mental dialogue (banter) kept going. I felt a pull to look down while sauntering along the trail and received the answer that nature was showing me. I stumbled upon two pinecones side by side entangled with each other. That was my message to breath life into this new and exciting journey with another human. I have received a lot of affirmations along the river in regards to my own transformations. You can read about them on my website by clicking on My False Summit page.

 Last year I was wandering the river and asked the question, ‘How do I follow my heart?’ Nature reflected back to me through American Dippers and Ducks dancing in the water to the rhythms of nature. I looked just ahead and saw a sign that illustrated the trail is only open to hiking and all other modes of traveling are prohibited. It seemed as though I have to walk my own path and that’s the only way things are going to flow. At that moment and now while rereading my notes I realize by following my heart I have to dance with the rhythms of nature. Going along with societal norms is not the same as following my heart.

 Walking the river has given me the chance to try and reconnect to that original vision I had while still in the womb projecting my own light onto how things were going to go in this lifetime. By listening to the wind in the trees and to the small rapids it reconnects me to the feminine. In regards to my basic archetypes I have Pisces as my sun sign (the fuel I burn in the is lifetime), Mars sign (my inner masculine) and in my Venus sign (my inner feminine). Pisces is the Boddhisatva or Empath and it is a transpersonal giver sign. My moon (what one has a lot of experience in) resides in Cancer. Cancer is a hierarchal giver and the mother/father of the tribe. All of those archetypes are more commonly associated with feminine qualities, both Cancer and Pisces. This may be another reason why the river keeps drawing me back.

 The intent of this musing was to talk about my connection to a special river. It seems as though it focused more on the feminine. Sometimes you start out on one path and end up on another, going with the flow and dancing with nature. Along with my original vision in the womb, choosing my family and walking along the waters I feel most connected to; I am thankful and blessed in this life despite feeling lost and loss at times. Life is always evolving and the only constant is change. Since this paper turned into highlighting the feminine I’ll close it by using one of the quotes that a mentor of mine enjoys by Sri Aurobindo, "If there is to be a future it will wear the crown of feminine design.”